By
Dr.
Dorree Lynn
I
have often written about life’s shadow side, the
dark shadow that people so often don’t want to face.
I have written about life’s underbelly, not because
I live there, but rather because I believe that one of
the best ways to experience happiness is to be able to
deal with those life issues and events that cause
unhappiness. When we acknowledge our own “truths”
and accept responsibility for our actions we become
fuller and more potent individuals. The more personal
power each of us has, the better we can feel about
ourselves and the more knowledgeably we can negotiate
the downs and appreciate the ups of our personal
journeys.
I
write the above reflectively because summer, the
season of blossoming and beach books is bursting forth
for me as I hope it is for you-filled with past summer
memories and joyful wishes for a delightful stress
free few months. I think that one of the secrets to
Saging well is developing the capacity to go with the
flow and especially the capacity to forgive, to be
grateful for what we have and to embrace joy when it
exists. Far too many people fiftyandfurthermore
tend to believe that (as the saying goes) they are
like old dogs who can’t learn new tricks. This
simply is not so. We are capable of learning and
changing until our final moments of life. Multiple
studies show that with a positive attitude and
willingness to learn, Sages develop increasingly more
adaptive coping mechanisms. Those who worry less
about aches and pains and spreading waistlines and
more about developing qualities of fun, forgiveness
and gratitude have more joy in their lives. These
individuals tend to have more community, better
relationships and more fulfilling marriages. They
also keep on growing, changing and “learning new
tricks.”
Gratitude
is not some airy-fairy concept. It is a sense of
appreciating what one feels in response to a gift,
including the gift of a long life. Gratitude may be
viewed as an emotion, a quality of character that
gives one a positive perspective on life, a coping
response or even a skill. However one may define
it, it helps one experience the world and drink from
life’s cup as half full rather than half empty. Life
through a prism of fullness is always easier than life
as bleak. Life’s issues can be difficult. But
one’s attitude can make even the hard times easier.
Fostering
the quality of forgiveness can also help one
experience a good life. Forgiveness requires giving up
long held resentment, constant negative judgment of
oneself and others and sometimes even the ability to
“love thine enemy.” However, forgiveness does
not necessarily mean a saccharine sweet other world
concept. It doesn’t mean being an unrealistic
“goody two shoes” who never sees real evil or
genuine harm. Forgiveness does not mean condoning bad
behavior or ignoring hurts. Developing the quality of
forgiveness does require giving up grudges and when
relevant, working towards reconciliation. It also
necessitates the ability to make choices and to
proactively try to do one’s best to make one’s
own life, one’s relationships, one’s community and
even the world at large better.
I
write these thoughts as summer’s lazy days come upon
me. I find these days can be times of reflection and
of joy. So many people get lost in minutia of
negativity and forget to play, forgive, appreciate and
to be grateful for what they have. During this summer
season, let yourself experience fun and joy. Joy is
infectious and has a ripple effect. Whatever your
beliefs, be they atheist, agnostic, religious or
spiritual, use these summer months in between beach
books to bring relaxation, fun and joy to those around
you. You and those whose lives you touch will benefit.
