Fantasy is a normal healthy part of staying alive, but we need to utilize it to our advantage, not disadvantage. Let’s look at how Natalie is using fantasy in my new romance book. It isn’t all to her advantage!
Natalie, the central character in Next Year in Jerusalem! has been struggling with romantic and exaggerated memories about a lover from her past. Compared to her husband David, who she sees everyday, and who isn’t always on his toes romantically (being a slightly remote college professor) Jack looks fabulous in her mind’s eye. Even Jack’s negative personality traits have faded. Memories of his love-making skills haven’t. This Valentine’s Day may be a day of nostalgic daydreaming of long lost lovemaking instead of throwing herself into her basically sound and loving marriage.
Natalie’s situation is very common. Many women have fantasy romances in their mind, forgetting that the guys we link back up with on Facebook have aged just as much or more than we have over the last 20 or 30 years! And I don’t just mean wrinkles. Life happens. An old beau may have married, divorced, lost a job, had children, moved, etc. We don’t know the facts let along his emotional hardships.
Here is my suggestion to Natalie and anyone else who dwells too much on the past or what might have been:
The present is our present to ourselves. Treat it as such and try to stay in the present. If you are in a decent relationship, the time make it even better is now. What do you need to do to make it better: more time together? better communication skills? honoring each other’s interests? handling the kids more effectively? decluttering? more time for sex? better sex? perhaps seeing a marriage counselor?
Of course, I could go on and on. Only you know where to start. Find an area to work on in your relationship and soon you will see more clearly the past for what it is and the present for all the Valentine wonders of the heart are here right with you! Start now and you will enjoy Valentine’s Day also.
